10种最搞笑的商务信函
编者按: 此文是网友小蛇女于2005年1月4日发布在alibaba论坛上的.编者将其发布于本网中文站上,希望在新的一年能带给大家新的感觉,新的商机…… 今天是新一年上班的第一天，总得做点儿带“新”意的活儿才对得起这特殊的日子吧．于是想来想去,决定清理电子邮箱，一来似乎累积了几个世纪的来往信函没有整理过，二来把该留的就file，该删的就delete，多少也带点“去旧迎新”的意味．于是我开始在收件箱里从头至尾一封封的看，听上去这活儿单调乏味，都是些“陈芝麻烂谷子”的事儿了，心里早没有了任何希翼和念想，可就在这不经意当中，我却发现了另一种乐趣，于是乎有了冲动将其写下，拿来与大家一同分享，正所谓“独乐乐不如众乐乐”嘛．
以下所列，均为供就商复我之电邮，我归结为十大类型．
一．“简约”型：in before email attached ,including the xxx picture. （看，简约至此，称谓，落款全省了．高! 但若发至的不是个人邮箱，恐怕对方也就收不到了．于是不得不连名带姓的重发一次，看来这时间也不一定真能节省下来．）
二．“精确”型thanks for your mail. as for the copy of ce and saa, i will fax them to you within these two days.（“within two days”? fax是及时性的动词，你是说你要花上两天的时间去传真？这样的话，我就不得不在传真机跟前不吃不喝地干等两天？拜托，如果不能确定具定传真时间，就请说 “i’ll advise you the exact fax time once confirmation”）
三．“大张旗鼓”型per your information, you would like us to quote you the prices as below. pls kindly check. thanks. xxx
now we would like to introduce our company to you. our company xxx founded in the year 1999. its headquarters at the foot of beautiful xxx mountain. which called “the lung of guang zhou, also close to the south gate shenzhen city” . we specialize in manufacturing all kinds of xxx. now factories we own covering an area of xxx㎡, more than xxx workers, a most professional team consisting of technicans and sales. after 5 years hard working.our company has developed into a large corporation, integrated with xxx , manufacturing processing and trading. since the first day of establishment. we insist in this creed “xxx” led by customerss requirement, based on quality, ruled with iso9001:2000, following fashions. we take it as our goal to build famous brand. products bearing “xxx”are sold all over the world , such as america, europe, southeast asia and middle east, etc. (老兄，我要求的只是你的几个产品的报价而已，您不至于把你们整个网页上的东东都copy给我看吧？再说了，我若对你们公司一无所知的话，又怎能找你们报价？如果想我们了解多点，给我一个网址就可以了．我会找机会上去看看，但现在我有十几个email等着复，我还有一大堆的报价要整理，我的水倒好了都没有来得及喝一口，你让我现在去听你们的口号？)
四．自做聪明型thanks for your email. but i would like to know your customers opinion at first. how about their target prices? （到底是你的智商有问题，还是我的智商有问题？我不知道你的其它客户是否会在你第一次报价之后就告诉你目标价，但我肯定是要让你失望的啦，因为ｉam not as stupid as you think. ）
五．翻脸无情型i have deleted a lot of email last week to save hard disk space. i will ask xxx to check that for you tomorrow morning, is that ok? (不会吧，这茶是否凉得也太早了一点？我们的单你们还在做着，现在就把我的邮件给全部删了？看来我们的事在您眼中是无足轻重呀)．
六．“画蛇添足”型orders are now coming in every day, so we have attached our amended price list in which you can fill in the quantity you want to order. it will automatically calculate the total cbm %26amp; amount for your order. （哇！听上去，你们的订单每天都如雪片般飞来，你们一定忙死了，连询价都要“自给自足”，再说我们的单量不见得很大，看来你们也不会太重视，还是找别家吧）
七．“云里雾里”型can you send me the photo?（天哪，我的眼睛是不是看错了？我要的是你的产品呀，看，我清楚的列出了我所要的产品编号，这也是你们提供的编号，怎么反倒向我要你们自己产品的图片？are you kidding with me? ）
八．“口不遮掩”型the switch we cant revised, we shipped many goods to our customer like this. please note!(喂,你们其它的客户能接受的不一定我的客户就可以接受,你是不是想对我说“同样的产品我们销售给其它的客户都没有异议,所以你们最好闭嘴.)
九．“你急他不急”型i will check with my engineer with the old samples, and find out how to solve the problem that you mentioned on the mail, in order to send the best samples to you.(你们手上难道就没有合格的样品可以先寄了？我没有时间等你去研究，我现在急要的是合格样品寄给客户不是你的研究报告．)
十．“敷衍了事”型thanks for your e-mail．we will send the samples to you asap.（这个as soon as possible到底是什么时候？我到底可不可以在要求的日期前收到你们的样品？）